Dolce Far Niente: The Joy of Doing Nothing

I am writing this from my favorite bakery in my husband’s hometown in northern Germany during a much-needed mom break on our first international trip with our children.

I decided to give ChatGPT a prompt to describe the Italian concept of “dolce far niente” because I knew it would have plenty of content to draw upon, but I also asked for this concept to be extrapolated to other European countries and contrasted with America:

"The Italians have mastered this art, encapsulating it in the phrase "dolce far niente," which translates to "the sweetness of doing nothing." This concept celebrates the pleasure found in moments of idleness, emphasizing a lifestyle that values leisure and the present moment."

"This appreciation for leisure is not exclusive to Italy; it resonates throughout Europe. Many Europeans prioritize a balanced life, where work is a part of life, but not the entirety of it."

"In contrast, the American work ethic often celebrates the hustle. Success is frequently equated with long hours and constant productivity. This can lead to high stress levels and a tendency to overlook the importance of downtime. While hard work and ambition are commendable, they can overshadow the need for rest and relaxation, which are essential for long-term well-being."

Per usual, I love what ChatGPT wrote (it generated an entire blog post), and I also want to expand upon it in my own words.

One of the most profound observations I’ve experienced here is a genuine sense of self-esteem, which is particularly noticeable in young adults.

Several years ago, my husband’s cousin and several friends visited us, all young men in their mid-20s.

I remember them being able to joke with one another in a healthy way, having genuine conversations, being on their phones some but not a lot, and laughing frequently. At one another, with one another, it didn’t seem to matter.

They seemed to have a surer sense of identity than I did at that age, and than I usually observe within Americans.

Granted, this is just my perspective, but I’ll share some other observations that I enjoy pondering.

When we gather for a family meal here, no one seems hurried. In America, it seems we have more of an attachment to perfection and less of an ability to savor the connection of these moments.

Meals often last for hours, without the expectation for everyone to remain seated. At a gathering last week, I went outside to kick a soccer ball with my boys, while my husband and some of the other adults remained at the table enjoying conversation.

The mood felt light, and no one seemed hurried or distracted.

In America, whether at a restaurant or in a home, my husband frequently points out that we hurry to clean up after a meal.

And while this might be necessary during the rhythm of a typical work week, is it necessary during intentional leisure time?

And if we made a point to slow down, could we as Americans even do it without nagging guilt about not being ‘productive’?

I believe the emphasis on work-life balance plays a significant role in these phenomena.

The EU mandates a minimum of 4 weeks of vacation, plus 12 paid public holidays. Germany has a mandated minimum of 30 paid leave days per year.

In the United States, there is no mandated minimum, and culturally, many experience pressure not to take time off.

In a conversation with a German family member this week, a cousin in his late 20s, I asked how many hours per week he typically works.

He stated, "a lot, more than most. Probably...40 hours most weeks".

Yup.

Contacting employees during federal holidays is prohibited, and several major companies have implemented restrictions on contacting employees outside of work hours.

When I was in graduate school and for the first few years as a medical professional, I was beyond burnt out. It wasn’t sustainable.

I was completely disconnected from myself. Even when I had free time, I had a really hard time coming out of fight/flight physiology (because I was in ‘work mode’), and the things I used to enjoy rarely felt pleasant or relaxing.

I am an anomaly relative to other Americans now. My husband and I decided early in our relationship that financial freedom and time freedom were high on our list of values, and hustled in our late 20s and early 30s.

Between paying off debt and both having high-income jobs, we enjoy far more time and financial freedom than the average person in the US.

I work 12 hours/ week, and he is self-employed and works from home. His business is seasonal, so he also works “part-time”, although it is skewed based on the time of year.

It took me years to learn how to slow down. And a LOT of intentional inner work on my self-talk when I was not being ‘productive’.

And you know what?

It turns out that the more I’ve been able to sink into “dolce far niente”, without an inner dialogue of what else I should be doing, the more creative and productive I am.

Instead of coming from a place of lack or competition, it comes from a place of pure beingness.

As if there is a spiritual bridge that is formed when we become grounded in the now, where we can tap into the collective consciousness and create, communicate, and participate with life in the most robust way. In our higher selves.

So, paradoxically, when we relax into the “joy of doing nothing”, the universe starts to conspire in our favor.

And we can have everything.

-Dr. Jen

For further reading, please see my posts about The Power of Now, releasing guilt, shifting from the ego to the higher self, and from ambition to meaning.