The Myth of Work-Life Balance: A Mom’s Perspective (And Not What You'd Expect)

As a teenager, I remember deciding that being a mom while having a career, and feeling like I was thriving at both, was non-negotiable.

At some point in my early 20s, I became aware of how often women are in the position of having to choose one or the other, with the only alternative being a perpetual state of exhaustion and feeling like a failure far too often.

Around when I met my husband (age 23), I began to read countless books about shifting beliefs, personal finance, and anything else I could find that made me feel expansive and limitless.

It sparked countless valuable conversations about what we wanted our lives to look like and how to make it possible.

One of the biggest paradigm shifts was getting out of the mindset of trading time for money, and expanding our beliefs about what we thought we were capable of earning.

Additionally, we had to become honest with ourselves about conditioned beliefs about scarcity and shift into an abundance mentality. While I got over the hump with this years ago, I still catch myself in scarcity thought processes on occasion, although it’s much easier to stop them in their tracks.

Another massive shift for me was recognizing how frequently we assume “OR” instead of “AND”.

We can choose between fitness and health OR eating and drinking what we choose, enjoying our life (fortunately, I think this one is less prevalent in the collective consciousness than it used to be).

We can hustle and have a successful career OR we can have a leisurely life with robust friendships, downtime, travel, and fun.

For women, it becomes even more extreme. We can put our children first OR take care of our basic needs. We can work OR stay home. We can pursue the life of our dreams OR dedicate it to raising our kids.

No. Full stop.

One simple switch.

AND instead of OR.

Just replacing this one word in my self-talk made an incredible difference in what I believed to be possible. Before I knew it, my background thoughts in my early-mid 20s became visualizations of how I could have it all - marriage, kids, career, friendships, balance.

Balance IS important. I can’t overstate the importance of moderation, leaning more into something when it feels right, leaning less into it to swing back into balance. Like eating different foods on vacation, or getting less exercise when we’ve just given birth. The ebb and flow is so necessary to the health of our spirit, I believe.

But let’s get back to the original topic. Work, defined as how we create an income, and life, defined as everything else that gives us meaning.

We often hear the phrase work/life balance, which, while well-intended, puts WORK first.

Several years ago, my dental office worked with a top-tier dental consulting group. The main focuses were helping doctors improve efficiency, drastically increase their income, and take more time off. A LOT more.

An average dentist in this coaching program works 3 days per week while taking off 8 to 12 weeks per year.

They often used the phrase ‘life/work’ balance.

Which I love, but I want to take it a step further.

Life/work synergy.

I’ve been able to scale back from an extremely rigorous graduate program, to a residency with 24-hour call, to a full-time job in a heavily insurance-based private practice, to 12 hours per week in a minimally insurance-based private practice.

We are debt-free, including our mortgage.

I’m 37.

I have been able to slow down enough to enjoy a place of harmony in which most of the time I WANT to go to work. I ENJOY being there. I feel 'on', energized, and like I’m showing up as exactly what the person I’m caring for needs (often in ways unrelated to their oral health).

I can be a listener without feeling impatient. I can feel proud of what I accomplish in a day, knowing I’ve given it my best.

For 12 hours each week.

The rest of the time, I can focus on what means the most. My marriage. My children. Friendships. Self-actualization. Fitness. Adventure.

And by the time I’m about ready for a change of pace, it’s time for a day at the office.

Now, I’ve painted this in a best-case-scenario kind of way. I still have very stressful moments in my work life and personal life. I still have crummy moods, get irritated, get angry...I am fully, thoroughly human.

But I have the time and space to process.

I have the time and space to create.

I have the time and space to have choices.

I have the time and space to realize that work/life balance is a myth because one thing does not have to be weighed against another thing if, in reality, it is a belief that can be transcended entirely.

This might seem tricky to grasp. Or purely overwhelming.

I get it. I’ve been there. I was extremely stressed about money, debt, various health issues I couldn’t resolve, and many other things in my early 20’s.

I was lost, confused, and disconnected from myself in my late 20’s.

However, I’ve continued to tune in. To listen to my thoughts. To tweak my self-talk. To seek information and people that make me feel expansive. To say no to things that don’t.

Slowly, surely, I’ve made my way to a place where I enjoy a strong marriage, being a mom to two incredible little humans, robust health, life-giving relationships, a career in dentistry that I enjoy, and the confidence to publish content and launch a life-coaching business.

I expect challenges. I know I can meet them.

I expect discomfort. I know I can sit with it.

I hope that if any of this resonates with you, reading this builds belief in what is possible.

You are more than capable of living an uncompromised life.

- Dr. Jen

For further reading, please see my posts about The Power of Now, releasing guilt, shifting from the ego to the higher self, and from ambition to meaning.