Why I Haven't Set Goals In Years (And What I Do Instead)

In my late 20s, I had just paid off my student loans, married my dream partner, and purchased our home.

All the external things I had worked hard for were achieved, and no “goal” felt worth working toward.

Despite having “accomplished” so many things, I struggled with unsettling moods that would come and go.

Thus began my journey of inner work…

Tuning into my self-talk, patterns, and beliefs about myself and the world...

Combined with a LOT of learning and prolonged ‘cocoon’ phases.

Some call this a Dark Night of the Soul.

As I’ve emerged, a drastic change has been shifting from GOALS to INTENTIONS.

Goals have a time and place, but at some point, a shift was necessary for living in alignment.

Goals became nothing more than future-oriented milestones driven by my ego's desire to achieve and be recognized.

The ego is rooted in fear, always reaching for what’s next, and often finds itself tangled in anxiety (future thinking) or guilt (past thinking).

This creates a cycle of stress, as we chase the next achievement or dwell on what we could’ve done better.

When we align with our Higher Self or Authentic Self (see the upper half of Dr. David Hawkins’ Map of Consciousness)...

We tap into the present moment, where TRUE POWER lies.

A creative power that is INFINITELY more POTENT and EMOTIONALLY REWARDING than that of competitive energy.

This was the key takeaway from a book I read early in this journey, The Science of Getting Rich, by Wallace D. Wattles.

This is one of many tools that can shift us from a cycle of stress and reactivity to calm and presence.

LASTLY, our thoughts are deeply rooted in our physiology, a concept known as "Story Follows State" by Deb Dana, LCSW.

“Story Follows State” is one of my favorite PRACTICAL applications of The Polyvagal Theory, the nuanced and enormously helpful expanded understanding of our nervous system developed by Dr. Stephen Porges.

When we’re anxious, we experience unpleasant, intrusive thoughts.

For example, in fight/flight, our incessant thought stream might say, “I need to be on guard,” or “something dangerous is about to happen.”

In freeze/shutdown, it might say, “I am alone,” or “there’s no point in trying.”

When our body is in a state of genuine calm, our mind naturally creates empowering stories that support our well-being.

In a rest digest state, we naturally feel ENOUGH, CAPABLE, and OPTIMISTIC.

In conclusion, by focusing on intentions, we let go of the ego’s grip on the outcome and the anxiety that comes with it.

Instead, we live in the now, enjoying the journey…

And paradoxically, our goals often manifest with far less effort and significantly greater outcomes.

So, next time you feel the pressure of your goals, remember to pause.

Is there a way to shift from being outcome-oriented to PROCESS-oriented?

Set an intention that brings you back to the present.

Tune into your thoughts throughout the day.

Keep shifting back to what feels GOOD, or EXPANSIVE about the process.

This might just uplevel many areas of your life beyond your wildest…“goals”!

Written by me.